Court…or Something Like That

Trying to keep up with this blog can be exhausting. I get behind because, let’s face it, I have a life outside of my computer. I have a kiddo that gets the majority of my time. I have work, I have family…you get the hint. But I committed to this blog to give a foster parent’s perspective on all things fostering; the good and bad, and sometimes ugly. Court hearings definitely fall into one of the latter.

Kiddo has been with me for some time; about two months. There was a court date scheduled about a month into kiddo’s return stay, but nothing abnormal. It all revolved around the new allegation. Sitting at home I read an email from his worker telling me court went well, but they requested kiddo’s presence and the next hearing. No big deal. Not until I find out that he is to testify in front of his mom. While I was anxious and worried for kiddo, at this point, I still really didn’t think much of it. I mean, the courts want to hear from the children from time to time, especially when they are older and can talk about what’s happening. I was even less concerned because both his lawyer and case worker had already began asking if I was willing to do some sort of long-term care like guardianship.

Our court date arrives and we go. We ask for a blind to be put up so kiddo doesn’t have to stare directly at mom while talking. Let me say this; It was extremely intimidating and uncomfortable. Combine that with the fact that the opposing lawyers were, let’s just say, “unfriendly” to a child with ADHD who is scared of talking in front of his mom. They tried every which way to trip him up and make him appear to be the problem. After the grilling was over there was a sidebar which seemed to take forever.

Still feeling like everything was okay, we awaited the referee to return. Nothing was okay. Not in the least. Although kiddo stated things that mom had said when she kicked him out, stated that he just wanted to be with someone who wanted him, and added that he was scared of his mom, the referee delivered a heavy blow; Kiddo was ordered to return home and the allegation was dismissed. Apparently, it’s acceptable to kick your child out of the house as long as you don’t say they can’t return. You can say things like “get him out” and “I’ll sign my rights away” as long as you don’t say the words “they can’t come back”. I was instantly sickened. All mom had to do is say that he was welcome to come home and that was that.

We watch the news and wonder “man, how do children end up taking their lives” or “These parents hurting and killing their kids”….Situations like this build for these results. Kiddo had clearly stated he was scared and that he couldn’t keep doing this back and forth, but none of that mattered. The only thing that seemed to matter is he was disrespectful to his mom during an argument in which she kicked him out and, now that she had calmed down, he could come back. The referee even had the nerve to add “I know mom can be a hot head.” Are you serious!?! You know that and also know kiddo was physically abused not once, but twice and are still forcing him to return home? This, my friends, is how children wind up hurt, dead, lost, in jail and a number of other issues. Our system fails children everyday because we’d rather return children home to unstable households and give “chances” rather than show some tough love and say enough is enough.